On October 7th Meirav Ben-Amos woke up to news she never thought she would witness. Sirens, death, rape, slaughter within her country. She spent the day at home huddled with her two daughters, one a student studying to become a cancer researcher and the other a newly released soldier who had begun working for a wedding planner. By the end of the day, they understood the implications of what they and their country faced.
Ben-Amos was a school principal and immediately began supporting students in the wake of school’s indefinite cancelation and many families being turned upside down. Her younger daughter, months after completing her army service as a logistics officer, was called back to the front for what would be days of frenetic work before she slept again. All the weddings she had been planning for hopeful couples were canceled and it couldn’t have felt less important. Ben-Amos was facing the chaos and sorrow alone, having lost her beloved husband a few years earlier to aggressive cancer.
But the worst part of the days following October 7th according to Ben-Amos was seeing the attacks and war through the eyes of her elderly father. “We built this country for you,” he would lament, referring to the younger generations. “We sacrificed, we kept it safe, we started from nothing. And look what has become of it. What have you let happen to it!?” She was bereft that her father had lived to see a pogrom within Israel’s borders and that he felt betrayed by the country he had sacrificed everything to build and strengthen. His greatest wish was to leave his grandchildren a strong, thriving Jewish nation to grow their families in and for the first time, his confidence in that was shattered.
I heard these stories over a beautiful dinner of salads, dips, pastas, and breads in the home of Ben-Amos located in Pardes Chana, in the Hadera Eilon Region of Northern Israel. This region of Israel is the Partnership 2Gether sister region of Nashville, as well as several other communities across the Southeast and the Czech Republic.
I came to be sitting at Ben-Amos’s table as a representative of our Federation community participating in a mission to our sister region in April with other members of the P2G International Partnership. We spent five intense days visiting with members of the community involved in the partnership, volunteering for projects that would help sustain the community, and just being present for our Israeli siblings during a moment of crisis. What we found was partially a nation still in mourning and sitting shiva – like Ben-Amos’s father – but more notably we found a nation mobilized, activated, and persevering – like Ben-Amos’s daughter.
One of our volunteer activities was working on a nearby farm picking cherry tomatoes and tending to cucumber vines. The farmer welcomed us with open arms and shared a heartfelt thank you for being there. He shared that any of the food volunteers were unable to pick would rot.
On October 7th Hamas had captured Thai workers along with Israelis and people of many different nationalities. The Thai government made a deal with Hamas that the Thai hostages would be released only if their embassy withdrew all its foreign workers, on whom Israeli agriculture relies heavily on. The farmer watched in dismay as a truck from the Thai Embassy pulled up to his farm and drove away with all of his workers for forced deportation.
In the months following, Israelis have been dropping everything to volunteer in the fields and keep the agricultural system afloat. We picked vegetables that day alongside a unit of young soldiers and a group of grandmothers from Haifa, who made the hour drive several times a week to do their part. The farmer said that he truly felt the love and care of Am Yisrael, the people of Israel. Even though I can’t think of a better way to spend a day than picking ripe cherry tomatoes while listening to live guitar music (and maybe eating more than I picked), the lack of foreign workers is a dire situation. It is jeopardizing the Israeli food chain and economy, desperately calling for a solution more permanent than relying on volunteers.
One of the most impactful parts of the mission was the day spent in Ofakim, a city in Southern Israel that was the farthest community invaded by terrorists on October 7th. Ofakim earned the nickname “city of heroes” because so many residents ran into fire to save their neighbors during the invasion and many of them paid the ultimate price.
Hamas gunmen entered the city and targeted the only neighborhood where the bomb shelters are outside the homes. This neighborhood is largely home to the elderly, immigrants, and low-income residents, singling out the city’s most vulnerable populations. As we walked through the streets, we saw the modest homes defaced by bullet holes and adorned with candles, flowers, and posters of the those who lost their lives on October 7th. We heard the story of Rachel Ederi who was able to distract gunmen by baking cookies for them, buying time and saving lives. We met residents who lived through the terror and lost loved ones. I was struck by their resilience and gratitude in the face of so much loss.
Psychologist, Susan Silk, teaches the Ring Theory of grief. When a traumatic event occurs, the grieving are divided into concentric circles, with those most directly impacted in the center, and those further from impact in outer circles. The way it should work is “support in, dumping out.” Those closer to the center get support from those in outer circles and get to unload their fear, worry, and grief outwards.
In the months since October 7th, each of us in the Jewish community falls somewhere in the circles of grief. Traveling to Israel in this moment of crisis is an opportunity to provide support to those in the inner circles – those experiencing loss of loved ones and of the feeling of security. It is also an opportunity to be present and show up, giving those who need it the rare opportunity to unload and process outwards, as they exist in the unique experience of their whole society dwelling in the inner circles.
That night at the dinner table in Pardes Hannah, the American volunteers were able to bear witness and allow our Israeli hosts to share and process their grief and fear. Ultimately, Ben-Amos’s father, despite his dismay, chooses to spend his days volunteering at a local collection and relief center for displaced Israelis. Her daughter was just approaching the end of her reserve duty for the time being and all the weddings she had been planning were back on track – with bigger guest lists than before – as the urgency of celebrating life and love was stronger than ever
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